Time Goes By

I was looking through photos of your first day with us

It was just six months ago that you were born

But it only feels like a few weeks have gone by

Where has the time gone?

You’re already giggling and holding yourself up

I remember when you were so much more fragile

I’d hold you like precious china

Your little head fit into the palm of my hand

Your little body would cradle perfectly into one arm

Now you’re much bigger, much more aware

You’re looking at toys and reaching for them

You’re looking at my face and want to touch it

Your smile is so bright first thing in the morning

Your limbs jolt with excitement when you see me

You’re full of energy to start the day

Soon you’ll be reaching many more milestones

And I’ll take pictures of every one

In six more months I’ll look at them and wonder

Where has the time gone?

© Copyright – All rights reserved – Cristina Cole

When Jacob Sleeps by Cristina Cole

When Jacob sleeps I watch him dream
His eyelids flutter, his limbs jolt
And sometimes a phantom cry is screamed

I wonder what he’s seeing
His mind is still so young and fresh
What fears can he have about a world he doesn’t know yet?

When his lips quiver as though he’ll cry
I want to rush in and save him from his nightmare
But just as quickly, he smiles in his sleep

Is he seeing an angel?
Or playing with other children not born yet?
Or maybe he dreams of his mum and dad smiling down at him

When Jacob sleeps, I miss him
I long to cuddle him
Feel his warm breath on my neck

My little man needs his rest
For playtime with mummy
So I’ll let him dream
And sit here until he wakes

© Copyright – All rights reserved – Cristina Cole

Silent Night by Cristina Cole

At night, when all but me are asleep
The hum of the home comforts me
Sipping hot water with lemon
Curled up under a blanket
This is my time to rest and recollect

The day’s events run through my mind
They seem so far away now
Baby crying, bottle warming, bib fastening
Diaper changing, dish washing, disinfecting
All done without thinking, like breathing, blinking

But now, when the world sleeps
I can focus on every sound that breaks the silence
The child’s soft breath on the monitor
The cat grooming himself
The dog softly snoring
The crickets outside

I can watch the steam rise from my Scotland mug
Close my eyes and breathe in the lemon scent
Swallow the warm water and feel it coat my stomach
Sit back and feel my bones warm up

I savor every moment, for tomorrow it all begins again
And when it gets overwhelming
I’ll count the hours to my silent night
My time to rest and recollect

© Copyright – All rights reserved – Cristina Cole

My Promise to You by Cristina Cole

I’ll swaddle you up so you feel safe
I’ll give you kisses so you know you’re loved
I’ll sing you songs because it soothes your soul
I’ll hug you tightly so you feel secure
I’ll tickle your tummy because it makes you laugh
I’ll rock you gently so you feel calm
I’ll pick you up when you reach for me
I’ll hold my pinky out for you to grab

I’ll tell you every day how much you’re loved
I’ll hold your gaze for as long as you stare at me
I’ll whisper little poems in your ear
I’ll stroke the top of your head when you’re sleepy
I’ll put my cheek next to yours and hum a lullaby
I’ll watch you fall asleep until I know you’re in dreamland
I’ll lie next to you when you’re feeling icky
I’ll listen to your baby babble all day long

I’ll have a band aid ready for scrapes and bruises
I’ll hold both your hands when you’re learning how to walk
I’ll gladly push you on the swing at the park
I’ll wait at the bottom of the slide to catch you
I’ll lift you up so you can reach the monkey bars
I’ll hold your hand when we cross the street
I’ll teach you the abc’s and 123’s
I’ll walk you to the door on your first day of school

I’ll always be here to offer free hugs and kisses
I’ll always be ready to listen to your thoughts
I’ll try my best to remember what it’s like to be a kid
I’ll try my best to remember what it’s like to be a teen
I’ll try my best to remember what it’s like to fall in love for the first time
I’ll try my best to remember what it’s like to be bullied
I’ll try my best to remember what it’s like to feel overwhelmed
I’ll try my best to think about what it’s like to be in your shoes

I promise to do my very best in raising you
I apologize in advance for the times I screw up
I want to be perfect for you, but all I can do is try
So I promise to try my best

© Copyright – All rights reserved – Cristina Cole

Getting to Know Each Other by Cristina Cole

When you’re not upset and screaming
You’re an angel
I can watch you sleep for hours
Listen to your quick breaths
Notice a slight grin while you’re sleeping
People tell me it’s “wind”
I pretend it’s because you’re dreaming about me

When we brought you home from the hospital
I was exhausted, in pain, emotional… and all of a sudden, needed
Discovering that I was your life line, that you needed me EVERY second
Terrified me

Reality settled in, hormones were racing – your mommy was a mess
It seems so long ago already, but it’s only been a month
I remember those first few days and don’t miss them
I use the memory to remind myself that it DOES get easier

When you’re upset and shrieking in my ear
I try to console you the best way that I can
And I console myself too, repeating a mantra in my head:
This WILL pass, just hold on a little longer

Of all the challenges I’ve faced in my life, motherhood is now the toughest
But it’s also my favorite

We’re still getting to know each other, you and me
Every day I learn something new:
What your cry means
Your favorite position to be held in
Just how snug you love to be swaddled
It’s an adventure

I melt in the moments that you snuggle your head into my neck
I can feel your warm breath on my skin and know by its rhythm that you’re finally asleep
I love how you calm down from a fitful cry the moment I pick you up
I feel blessed when you gaze up at me as though I’m the moon, the sun, and the stars

I etch that expression into my mind because I know you won’t look at me that way forever
But I’ll look at you that way for the rest of my life

© Copyright – All rights reserved – Cristina Cole