A Day in the Life of a Mother with Anxiety


When she sees the anxiousness in her child

She knows it’s her fault

She knows her anxiety has spilled over

Into her parenting countless times

And she recognizes the look in her son’s eyes

She feels it pierce the pit of her stomach

Like a sharp blade: Oh no. – Oh no oh no OH NO! 

She cannot fathom 

The idea that he’ll be sentenced to a life

Like hers

Constant fear

Constant self doubt

Constant shame 

Is what she is thinking real right now?

Or only  panic? Only thoughts? 

What if his look is just confusion about something he doesn’t understand?

And not anxiety

She watches him constantly 

Trying to read his face

Fighting with her own brain to stop 

Fixating

Ruminating

Contemplating

Jumping

To

Conclusions

No. No he can’t go down this path!

So she pulls herself together

Smiles at him and kisses the top of his head

Asks if everything is ok?

And he says yes

She cautiously asks him what he was just thinking about

Already dreading the truth that may come out

He says he wonders how scientists know the skin colours of dinosaurs if all they found were fossils 

And her heart lifts up with joy

They were only thoughts

He is okay

He is okay 

®Cristina Cole

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