I’ve been given a sharper sight. Life has become simplistic. Stresses have shrunk away, becoming dust bunnies under the fridge. Since handing over my worries to God, and asking him to take the lead, I feel more peaceful.
Some people will say this is neglectful, ignorant, crazy… Giving up control is like letting someone else steer my car while I’m still in the driver’s seat with my foot on the gas. It’s a valid argument for someone who’s scared of not having any control. That used to be me. I’d obsessively worry about what would happen next, preparing myself for change and obstacles. I always had a plan B, C, D… It was exhausting.
I’ve been told by some people that I’ve been changing. That I’m less “nervous”, not quick to defend my thoughts like before, more peaceful, more at ease with life and its curve balls. I am. All these things are true.
As I’m writing this, I’m thinking of the people I know who’ve told me that they think the idea of God is a joke. I can hear them questioning me. What made you believe in him? Did you hit your head? Were your brainwashed? Why are you buying into this stuff? I can hear them pushing me to defend my choices and beliefs.
Who am I hurting by believing in God? Am I offending non-believers? Because it seems that way when I tell them that I love God, and I love being his servant. What’s so bad about wanting to be good? What’s so bad about believing that I’m loved, that I was born for a reason, that I have a purpose, that after this life, something amazing is waiting for me?
Someone once said to me “Well, what if when you die there’s nothing? What if you spent your whole life believing and then it’s all a lie?” Instead of answering with “I’m 100% certain that heaven exists and there is a place for me in it.” I said the logical thing: “If there is no heaven, and there’s only blackness then what difference will it make? I won’t know any better because I’m dead. It’s like being asleep. Do you miss being awake when you’re asleep? And if there is nothing after this (which I believe in my heart isn’t true), I don’t believe I’ve wasted my life being a servant. I will have spent my life gaining joy from having faith, doing what I can to help others in life, and sharing this joy with my Christian family. Is that so bad?”
Maybe. Maybe for non-believers this seems ludicrous. Maybe they think I’ve lost my mind. That’s okay with me. I don’t feel the need to defend my choices. I won’t cut you out of my life either if you challenge me. I’ll do what makes you even more upset, I’ll pray for you 😉