Etiquette – On Visiting the New Mom & Baby


knockWhether it’s her first or fifth baby, a mother fresh from delivering a human into the world is sore, tired and hormonal. And the new baby is still adjusting to life on the outside. So let’s give them a little time to heal and relax.

Grandparents, Close Friends & Siblings Only Please

I was happy to have my parents, in-laws, close friends, and siblings over when I was home from the hospital. None of them cared if I hadn’t showered that day or if my house was a little messy.

For new mothers, things are so tough in those first couple of weeks. The thought of having people over is painful. Maybe she’s had a c-section and prefers her robe. Yes, most visitors would be understanding of her appearance, but that still doesn’t mean she’s comfortable with having them see her in this state.

Here are some more reasons for waiting to visit mom and baby:

  • Mom and baby are still getting used to breastfeeding, it’s easier for her to whip out a boob wherever she is in her home rather than cover up or leave the room
  • Mom’s hormonal, any little bit of stress can make her sweat enough to show puddles through eight layers of clothing and a parka, that’s embarrassing for her
  • Baby’s brand new; a lot of different hands handling them can be over stimulating, then once you leave, parents are left with a fussy baby after entertaining all day
  • Baby’s immune system is fragile, if you’re a little sniffly but feel fine, it’s still not okay for you to hold and breath all over the newborn

Now, even with all these reasons, if you still must visit then don’t expect the following:

  • A super cheerful and upbeat woman greeting the door
  • A meal to be prepared for you by candle light
  • Fresh cookies and tea to be prepared with enthusiasm
  • A guest room to be ready if you’re traveling from far away (book a hotel room!)
Apologies for Sounding Harsh

If the comments above have offended anyone I’m sorry. The point I’m trying to make is that the new parents do want to see you! They just need some time to adjust to this new life. If you have children, try to think back on those first few weeks and how hard they were. If you’re not a parent, then think about someone showing up at your place when you’ve had a party the night before and still have stuff all over the house, you’re extremely hung over, a lollipop is stuck in your hair, you have raccoon eyes and you haven’t brushed your teeth. It’s horrifying, right?

A Phone Call Is Awesome!

There’s no rule against a phone call though! If you want the new parents to know that you’re thinking about them and can’t wait to see them with their new bundle, then call them. Let them know you’re excited to see them so you’d love a phone call from them when they’re ready for visitors. They’d appreciate that MUCH more than a super early visit.

Anyone have horror stories you’d like to share about early visitors? Or maybe you’d like to rant about it here. Leave a reply! 

3 thoughts on “Etiquette – On Visiting the New Mom & Baby

  1. Good point about the baby’s immune system. Not everyone might think of that especially those who aren’t parents yet or experienced with kids. It’s enough work taking care of a _healthy_ newborn already!

  2. So…..just yesterday I was at my daughter’s, she just had a baby 4 days ago.
    My mother in law and her 3rd husband showed up without calling first. And mind you, they live almost 2 hours away!!! She’s always made her own rules. Well my daughter made it clear that next time she’d appreciate a phone call first. My mother in laws husband couldn’t keep his mouth shut, nothing new…..we don’t care for him, and they had words. He went and waited in the car while she stayed and visited. I feel she’s just as much at fault and my daughter was rather too nice to her, considering she has gotten away doing theses things all her life; showing up way too early or bringing uninvited guests to something. She’s sweet and would do anything for you but it doesn’t give her the right.

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